Your Parents are Gay? Call Child Welfare!

I’ve already established that an unfortunate number of people in the society are all too vocal in telling the homosexual community that they CANNOT be Christians. So on a similar line of reasoning, I imagine a comparable percentage would attempt to tell me I CANNOT be a parent.  Their reasoning may not fall under the same “divine scripture” from thousands of years ago category, but I’m sure it is similarly lacking logic and research oriented proof.

Feel free to throw your arguments at me, because I am living proof on a daily basis that homosexuals can be just as good of parents as their heterosexual counterparts. And despite all accusations thrown out there, it is just untrue that homosexual parents somehow raise children who are gender confused or angry or more likely to be gay. Reserach has consistently proven this to be just wrong.

In reality, a parent is a parent – gay or straight. Parenting will have the same trials and tribulations regardless of the sexual orientation of the parent or for that matter, the child. There will continue to be children of homosexuals and children of heterosexuals that have emotional problems, behavior problems, learning problems – social problems. Attempting to blame any problems such as these on a parent’s homosexuality is merely another societal attempt at blaming and excusing. The fact is – a bad parent is a bad parent, and they exist as both homosexuals and heterosexuals.

The fact of the matter is a homosexual parent is MORE likely to raise a tolerant, open-minded, free-thinking child. And a homosexual parent is LESS likely to pass on the traits of prejudice and hatred. Believe me, the world is already full of hatred, so a few more tolerant problem solvers will definitely help future generations.

Prevalence of Victims of Sexual Abuse in Homosexual Population

I am sure there is research somewhere, or some deep psychological explanation with reasoning. But it seems to me that a large majority of the gay people I know have at some time in their life been victims of some sort of sexual assault, abuse, molestation or exploitation.

I imagine the critics of homosexuality as a genetic alteration would be quick to use this as a reason – that is to say, “I bet they were straight until that horrible thing happened to them. Now they’re just gay because they’re scared of the opposite sex.” Let me tell you outright – this is NOT the case.

Unfortunately, I do fall into the statistical majority. However, I was well aware of my sexual orientation long before I fell victim to one of society’s misfits. So, I don’t have a fear of men – and I am gay, and I always have been.

Perhaps it’s more a reaction to society’s condemnation of homosexuals. Because we live in a society that attempts to make us feel ashamed of ourselves, we begin to discredit ourselves as people. And perhaps in this process, a homosexual is more likely to fall victim to a sex crime – either because their self loathing and low self esteem makes them an easier and more vulnerable target or because their own devaluation of themselves causes a person to be more likely to put themselves in a dangerous situation – or to end up with people who don’t respect them.

I’m not sure why, and it’s sad that it is this way. However, I do not know a single person who “became” gay because they feared the opposite sex.

Gender Identity in the Children of Homosexuals

To throw a loop in the arguments surrounding gender identity, nature vs. nurture, genetics vs. choice – what is the impact of having a gay parent on a child’s gender identity? And of course, being a lesbian mother to three kids – I have some insight, but no answers.

My two year old son loves shoes. He plays with dolls with his big sisters. He wants his nails painted everytime the girls do theirs. Do I think he’s going to be gay? Not necessarily. Do I care if he is? Nope. Of course, being the insecure and somewhat simple minded person that he is – my ex is very critical of a boy doing anything society has deemed to be “girly.”

Simply stated, do I think my acceptance of my son’s very innocent liking of shoes and dolls and fingernail polish with have any effect whatsoever on his gender identity or eventual sexual preferences? Not at all. I think the biggest effect that a person can have on such things is always in the negative realm. I do think that my ex’s negative reaction to any such behavior could have a very detrimental effect on both my son and my daughters. A child should never be ashamed of themselves and a parent should never make a child feel that way.

Jimmy Buffet’s “Simply Complicated”

Gay Christian – Not a Paradox

Homosexual Christian? Religious zealots, some church officials and a portion of society seem to think that such a combination of words would be a paradox, blasphemy, an enigma. On a simple, first line of defense level – the fact that any self-proclaimed example of faith would condemn a homosexual only shows the person as a hypocrite by their own definition. The Bible is a widely available and well known publication. It does not take a religious fanatic to read or interpret any part of it. The very basis of many Christian teachings lies in not passing judgment on others. By condemning a homosexual, even the most righteous person of faith not only discredits themselves, but Christianity as a whole.

I have nothing but respect for a person who lives their life according to their faith. Faith is hard to attain, hard to maintain, and too easily broken. Perhaps if the members of the religious community who spend so much time, effort and anger on the condemnation of homosexuals instead lived their lives according to the teachings in the Bible – their evangelical missions would be more effective. Live your life as you believe is morally right, as your faith guides you. Exhibit the Christian qualities that Jesus would have encouraged. Bring people to your faith with love, understanding and acceptance.

The wonderful thing about the Bible is it is an exceptional source of learning and moral guidance. There are parables and verses that can be applied to a multitude of situation. This is what makes the Bible an effective moral compass even in the modern day and age. But it must be used with caution – five different people could read the exact same thing and interpret it in ten different ways. Each of us brings our own life experience and background – and we can all use the Bible to guide us, but that doesn’t mean what you interpret will be the same interpretation I get out of something.

And of course, there will be the hard core, holier than thou types who want to argue a literal interpretation of the Bible. To these people, I can only point out that if you are going to assert a literal interpretation of scriptures condemning a homosexual for being “with a male as with a woman,” then I hope your parents (or your wife’s parents) are able to produce the bloody sheets from your first night as husband and wife – as a proof of your virginity. And if not, hopefully you’re prepared for the stoning that – according to the scripture – will follow. (Deuteronomy 22)

Morals and ethics will continue to have commonalities from history through the coming eras. Using scriptures as a moral compass could help guide the next generations through changing times. However, using the scriptures to justify your hatred, fear and prejudice will destroy the sanctity of the writings. The world is changing on a daily basis. The standard and accepted structure of a family unit is evolving. The moral guidance behind what a family is need not be left behind; however, the hatred and condemnations thrown about by individuals in the name of religion will lead to the demise of the Christian community.

See also: http://ryantravis.wordpress.com/2008/08/12/homosexual-gift/

Coming Out (Out of What, I’m Unsure)

Coming out? This seems to be a widely accepted rite of passage in the gay community. I imagine there was a time, not so long ago, when I wasn’t so “out,” but if you has asked anyone around me, I was out before I came out.

Here’s the shocker in it all – for both sides of the gay line – I was married, with multiple children. (Yes, I still have my kids – as contrary to popular belief, being gay is not an automatic disqualification to parenting) I’ve often tried to answer the question of why I got married in the first place, and the problem is I don’t really have a definitive answer. Did I know I was gay when I got married – yes. I knew I was gay in first grade – I just didn’t have the vocabulary to define it. Did my ex know I was gay? Yes, but I was not cheating. I was gay – because that’s what I am – not because I was actively involved in a homosexual relationship. Again, despite societal misconceptions, gay does not define a person’s sex life – it defines the person.  This was the hardest thing for my ex to understand in the end. He was all too willing for me to have my “gay flings” on the side, without acknowledging that it wasn’t the sexual aspect of relationships I was lacking and searching for – it was so much more.

It didn’t just occur to me one day that it was time to be “out.” And my so-called marriage was nothing more than a childhood mistake (on my part, my ex was 12 years older than me – and I was his second mistake). The “coming out” stage of my life took a lot of working up to an a hanful of necessary events to set it in motion. And despite all the trauma and hardship and pain it caused me for the year following – I wouldn’t change it for the world. I didn’t know happy until the moment I admitted what I’d been hiding. Regardless of how miserable I was in the moment, I knew my life was happier as a whole than it had ever been.

There was no schocked reaction, no condemnation, no crying and begging like there often is. Everyone around me knew me as a person – not gay or straight, but as me. And while my confession may have explained a lot to my friends and family and co-workers, it neither shocked nor horrified anyone.

There were hard times, there still are. Perhaps I went about life in a less than normal method – my timeline got a little jumbled, but I’ve landed. And I wouldn’t change my process of getting here for anything. I’m happy – and there’s nothing wrong with being happy. Even if it’s only for the moment, and you know the next moment is going to bring you to your knees – it’s okay to be happy in the here and now.

Evolutionary Basis of Homosexuality?

Society as we know it seems constantly involved in a debate on homosexuality. The cause, the cure, who’s to blame, the morality, the ethics – all debates that when you really look at it, you have a hard time understanding why so much time, emotion and energy is wasted on such a topic. Nature vs. nurture? Is it a choice? Can it be genetically explained? Is there a genetic predisposition, as in say – alcoholism? Does it matter?

The religious community presents another arena for over speculation. What does the Bible say? What does the Pope, your minister, the nuns, your grandmother say? What are the moral implications of homosexual behavior? Gay marriage? Kids growing up with gay parents? Why any of this matters to everyone, I’m not sure – and I’m not here to speculate.

I’m also not going to argue the everlasting debate of creationism vs. evolution. I personally believe the two can exist together – not independently of each other. With that – on a scientific level only, disregarding all sociological factors and established societal norms – perhaps the surge in homosexuality in recent history is a result of an evolutionary attempt to control the population. The world as we know it is quickly becoming overpopulated and the populations are causing the supply of natural resources to dwindle. Gay couples do cannot procreate in the natural sense of the process. (I am not saying gay couples should not have children, I believe we are some of the best parents). But in a gay relationship, there are no accidental pregnancies. On a statistical basis – homosexuals cause less population increase.

I do not personally need an explanation for my lifestyle. I am comfortable with who I am. I am not attempting to explain anything. However, I am prone to intellectual thought processes and these hypotheses are nothing more than a byproduct of my constant cerebral processes.